too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Two words: nipple clamps
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