In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
