girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
