You're my little dorito
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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