Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
