youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
