I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
