her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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