I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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