she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
