I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
