based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
