So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
