He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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