"it" just moved
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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