I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm at about main and main street
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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