Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
