so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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