didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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