take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
