At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
