Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
