You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize