Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
