Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
