It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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