Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
