First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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