we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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