we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
did i walk over a car last night?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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