I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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