I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
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