I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
