Where did you get a picture of my penis
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
