That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
