Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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