Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
