I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All I want is dick and wine.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
