okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you had me at cake vodka
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
