Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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