Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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