Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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