umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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