totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Let's get the cat blown out
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
