Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
