Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
