I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
