Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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