Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
