she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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