i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
