I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
