it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
