this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
